


Certain Threats

by Anonymous



Category: Angry Birds - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, add in scene, just a little nod to the fact that pigs are kinda scary, leonard could have been more of a jerk but decided just once not to be, still a jerk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 23:50:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18041438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: "Puns aside, Leonard did threaten to throw Mighty Eagle in the pot too."





	Certain Threats

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little idea that occurred to me - Red and Leonard dealing with the thread he made about 'throwing Mighty Eagle in the pot too'. A different perspective on the 'silly pigs' as more of an actual threatening foe.

The eggs, blue tinted shell and all, were gone.

Red had still let go, and the floor had welcomed him with open arms.

But nevertheless, as the pigs regrouped and got to their feet, he did the same with the most insufferable smile he could pull.

Leonard’s focus found him again and boy, was Red ready for this.

“You ruined our Buffet! What’s _wrong_ with you?”

“Sorry to rain on your parade.” Red said, folding his arms with such finesse that Matilda would be proud of the fluidity.

Leonard looked like he was imploding, heck, he even inhaled and exhaled like a spluttering furnace.

Then, with eerie quickness it … subsided.

“Well, guess you’ll just have to do.”

Red’s smug, if battered, expression faded slightly, though it remained in place as he glanced left, right – sorry, what?

“Huh?”

The other pigs hadn’t quite caught on either; Leonard’s lips twisted into a knot on the left side of his face in contemplation, but Red could also see some gleam in his black eye – something sly, and conniving, and threatening and –

Some buried bird instinct in him flared. Uh-uh, nope, nope, nope.

“’excuse me, what?”

“Well, seeing as you’ve ix-nayed the omelettes, French toast and scrambled egg…” Leonard’s eyes panned over and he made a show of shrugging very slowly – his pigs looking disgruntled at the reminder – then his black eyes popped back onto Red with malice.

Red felt something in him shrivel.

“Guess it’s bird pie, then.”

Wait.

Wait what.

Red’s wings, slowly, slowly rose –  in an curious ward off motion - and as the circle of pigs grew thicker around him, Leonard’s smile curled back into place.

Red felt something slipping. Control of the situation? His wits? “Wait, wait – pie? As in – _me?”_

Leonard paused. Then, with his eyelids sinking halfway, he merely uttered –

“ _Mh-hm.”_

Red lingered for about a second.

Then he bolted left. The pigs didn’t nab him, not for lack of trying, but their tackle-aims were off – but Leonard was smarter, and saw it coming.

Red felt his cold, greasy hoof snag his leg.

“Gotcha!”

Red yelped – and in one fell yank he was upside down, upside down, _nope, nope,_

“Looks like it’s pigeon pie tonight, boys!”

In a whirl of colour, upside down colour, Red was hefted up as the cheer blasted throughout the hall. He thrashed about like a fish, wings failing to find any kind of purchase on Leonard’s hoof – he couldn’t get free.

Anger was quickly dissipating into something else, something desperate, and suddenly they were moving – Red gulped down a breath as the pig sauntered easily to the door, him in toe.

They were suddenly alone.

“You’re bluffing!” He suddenly yelled, snatching a hold on the corner of a wall – Leonard grumbled behind him, catching his other leg and with another sure yank, managed to pull the bird off the corner. Dang it!

“Oh, pigs eat most things, Eyebrows.”

“Whoa –“ Red was hoisted, thrown up in the air – and caught again, this time around the shoulders so that his wings were pinned by his sides – Leonard could toss and roll apples and balls along his dumb shoulders, it seemed he could do the same with round red birds.

Red started kicking his legs – but they landed on air, and squirming -  wasn’t working. And he was being carried like a damn ball.

Leonard’s leery laugh sounded above him, “You’know, It’s not often I run into another guy with more than two brain cells, I don’t – let’s face it, Eyebrows,” Leonard’s free hoof came to ruffle Red’s head-feathers with far too much force – the bird did his best to buck him away. The effect left a sting in his scalp.

The pig was enjoying himself far too much, “most people are dummies.”

“Look, look, lemme go –“

“Oh, but you just got here.” For some blessed reason the pig seemed fit to pause mid-mock, though the arm around Red’s middle grew increasingly tight, even as his leg kicking grew more frantic. Leonard watched with mild amusement. “Sounds like somebody’s swallow-ing his ego.”

A pun **and** an insult? A hypocritical insult?!

With a thud that sounded off proverbially in Red’s head, the little bird went still, brows sinking so far down his head they almost hurt.

“… excuse me?”

No.

Not gonna fly.

Leonard inhaled calmly, “I said, sound like somebody’s –“

A loud crunch rang through the hall as Red bit down, beak and teeth alike, onto the pig’s flabby arm. The holler than followed was an octave higher than he’d ever heard the blowhard go – but Red managed to slip from his grip and –

Leonard’s foot slammed directly down on Red’s noodle-like feet. A yelp blocked him from swearing to heaven and hood alike –

“You just don’t when ta **stop** , do ya?”

Red felt pain sear through his back – and realised why. Leonard had snatched him back into the air by his back-feathers, grip so tight it was sure to leave a mark.

The snarl on his face was a sheer cry from the goofy kind of jolliness and bigger-than life persona Red had come to loathe – and for a moment he was vastly regretting his decisions.

Instead of seeing some tall idiot, Red realised he was dealing with an enemy more than twice his size and probably ditto the strength.

That he wasn’t kidding when he threatened to boil him and add Mighty Eagle to the pot too.

What was ‘turkey’ anyway?!

Only one thought rang true now – get away. He jabbed his legs at the pig again - only for him to catch his foot in his hoof.

Red twisted and thrashed again – didn’t work. Leonard’s glare melted … and he held him away from himself, smugly allowing the bird to tire himself out.

Red’s temper blue a casket and he reached out with his wings in a rather throttle-y manner.

Leonard’s lips cracked open, lined with bunt uneven teeth, to chuckle like an entertained kid watching a puppet show.

…

Apparently birds had hollow bones. Or had. Either way, the red menace that had effectively undone months of planning was way _lighter_ than he looked.

Leonard could tell the little bird was getting tired – nah, exhausted was the word – and was quickly growing desperate.

And, well, terrified.

At first, Leonard took glee in the petrified look on Eyebrow’s face, and his horrified struggles – but now, with a glance down at him and how his eyes were wide, and flickering about in panic for some kind of plan –

Well.

He felt himself wavering.

Without his buddies flanking him, he was awful small.

C’mon, Leonard, swine up –

He paused and snagged the bird by the scruff to hold him up to eye level.

Eyebrows was gulping down air, droopy and ruffled – he was almost out of gas.

For a moment the bird searched the pig’s features, worry and unease making him slowly curl in on himself, however unintentional.

Shooting the runt out of a slingshot had been easy as pie. Forgive the pun. And he hadn’t lost a wink of sleep over the last few nights in anything he’d done – and hasn’t hesitated once in … heck, years.

So why now?

Call him sappy, but having a creature so small, and not-as-durable as the pigs _looking_ at him in that way was disconcerting. As prideful as Eyebrows was his look screamed, _please don’t hurt me, Oh heck, I’m gonna die –_

And well, maybe petrifying him was enough of a win.

This time.

Besides, they were alone. He could wave it off as ‘my hoof slipped’. It wasn’t like Sherlock here was going to tell all his friends about this.

Leonard exhaled, rolled his eyes very slowly – and dropped him. Mind made up.

Red landed with an ‘oof’ on the floor.

“… huh?”

“Seems I’ve lost my appetite, Eyebrows.”

The little bird gawked up at him, eyebrows impressively high up on that red noggin of his. It was fun for about the first ten seconds, then Leonard rolled his eyes, and leaned in just a tad –

“Go on _. Get.”_

_…_

Red scrambled – urgh, another pun – down the hall.

He scampered down some steps, inhaling like a dying fish.

A glance thrown over his shoulder told him Leonard wasn’t following- but had tucked his hooves behind his back to watch him flee with leisure. That darned half-lidded gaze back.

Red all about rolled around the next corner.

“Next time you won’t be so lucky, Eyebrows!” The pig’s voice carried over to him along the walls.

Red didn’t plan on marking his calendar.


End file.
